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Star Destroyer vs. Enterprise: Another Perspective

A footnote in John Gruber’s analysis of “BlackBerry vs. iPhone,” in which John answers the unanswerable question, “Who would win in a fight, Star Destroyer vs. U.S.S. Enterprise?” piqued my interest briefly and those of many others, as John noted on Twitter. (John’s money is on the Star Destroyer.) But it wasn't a question I could debate myself. After all, I’ve only seen two and half of the seventeen Star Wars movies and barely fifteen minutes of Star Trek: The Next Generation (is that the show with Data?). I’m more comfortable debating a conundrum like “Who's cuter, Ginger or Mary Ann?”¹

When I saw my friend Keith on Memorial Day, I mentioned it to him. He has long been interested in Star Wars (one of his email addresses is “wookie”), and I thought he would have an opinion. He had an immediate and definitive answer, and I thought his logic was unassailable.

The arguments I have been reading since then, based on “facts” gleaned from various published sources, have convinced me that, based on its superior weaponry, the Star Destroyer would win. The Enterprise has some advantages, but I don’t think they would allow it to prevail. In the world of fiction (the only place this battle could ever take place), however, anything is possible. Keith pointed to an answer right in the stories themselves—regardless of the firepower, the good guys always win. After all, didn’t Luke Skywalker, a single pilot in a puny fighter, destroy the Death Star itself? That’s a mismatch in opponents that makes David vs. Goliath seem like a fair fight.

Therefore, whereas the Star Destroyer is an Imperial warship (Bad Guys), and the U.S.S. Enterprise is a Federation craft (Good Guys), I have to go with the Enterprise. And you know, not even the full might of the Enterprise would be necessary, but probably just one person in a shuttlecraft, armed only with a pocketknife, could do the job. Goliath never had a chance.

¹Mary Ann